Fail

Well inevitably that went out of the window right.

I just haven't felt much like blogging, it's all just woe is me emo crap anyway.  I don't know whether it's SAD setting in early or whether it's just a general malaise.  Yknow the Moby song, Why Does My Heart (Feel So Bad)  It's totally like that.  It just consumes me, for no real reason, and I can't shake it off.  And all I want to do is sit in my fat clothes and eat food.  Which is what I did yesterday.

I told work I had a migraine.  I think most of the blokes in my office knew it was more than that, one even said, "I knew it was because you just couldn't be arsed..."  It's good that they understand and don't judge me for it, I think they feel bad for me really, enjoying this job and having to go back to one which literally depresses this life out of me, hence the depression setting in now I think, because I know that if nothing else comes up, I'm going to be back in Admin Office hell in 2 months time.

I actually started crying this morning when I got here, what a tit, well not proper crying, I did feel like I could easily have freefalled into full on crying, but I kinda just got choked when I was telling them about how much I hate my 'normal' job.  In fact, most of yesterday I felt like I just wanted to cry; yknow sometimes you just need a good cry. 

Literally zoned out for like 10 minutes there.  Just staring at my desk.  Good to do that sometimes, just let your brain wander.  Was thinking about my old desk project that I used to want to get off the ground.  The idea was, that people would take pictures of their desks and post them in the Facebook Group.  It was quite interesting, well I thought it was interesting, but most people just didn't bother!

Anyway, going to go and slit my wrists in the toilets (funny how often I genuinely think about suicide and yet my doctor never takes me seriously, perhaps it is just a cry for help.)