Friday, 29 January 2010


Hmm, so all of a sudden, things have gotten a little crazy.

We found out a week ago that Andy's mum had been awarded full NHS funding for a nursing care place. This is great news. Although she'll have to have a review in 3 months time, it means that for the timebeing at least, she can go to an excellent home and not have to pay. We have been warned that if the NHS funding stops, we'll have to foot the bill, etc etc, but yknow what, she's paid her taxes and her National Insurance, so quite honestly, whilst the NHS are paying, she's going to the best home in the borough, why the fuck not? That sounds harsh perhaps, but she bloody deserves some decent care for the first time since she had her strokes.

I'm still waiting to hear whether I have been shortlisted for the secondment role. I can only assume I will be shortlisted, as there were only 2 other applicants. One doesn't pose a threat, one really really does and I am going to have to pull it out of my ass to get this job. I need it, I want it, it's a great opportunity, please, anyone who reads, fingers crossed.

Also, bizarrely, Andy has been offered a job by my uncle. My uncle is a loss adjuster. My uncle is a perfectly decent bloke, so I should see it from the other side, but everyone hates insurance people. It's basically just to be my uncles assisstant, typing up reports, sending emails, answering phones etc etc. But they're prepared to be TOTALLY flexible. Which is great. We'll have about £300 a month left over if we get a mortgage, so our combined salary would pay the mortgage, household bills, phone bills, tv/phone/internet bill, car insurance, petrol, food and nursery for Scarlett and we'dd still have a little bit to save/spend. Which isn't a lot, but trust me, compated to what we have now, that is a lot!

So he's going in for a day at the end of February to see how he likes it, although quite honestly, it's a job, so he's going to like it, like it or not!! Am sure it'll be fine, and it'll be good for him to get out of the house, away from his mum, away from Scarlett and start living like a grown up. He's 27 and he's never had a real job, the only job he's had was as a cleaner at the University (he says it was the Uni, the one where I work, I think it was actually the offices next to the Uni....!)

But am worried for Scarlett. She's going to have to go to nursery. Potentially full time ish, spread over two nurseries and a day with my mum. So am looking at nurseries, which is scary. And boy do they cost money. Unfortunately, the uni nursery is pretty over subscribed, so we're unlikely to get her in there, which would only be £80 for the two days we need. Then another £40 for the shorter day nursery. It all adds up. I can only begin to dread how much private nurseries want to charge, probably £80 a day!!

Am so excited. Now if we could just get the house in his name, get the mortgage and sort out a second car, we'd be absolutely laughing. How did this year go from being potentially shit, the same as the others, to being pretty good, in the space of a week?! Am waiting for the fall....

Wednesday, 27 January 2010


Bloddy hell, the last 36 hours have been mental! Managed to get my application in, then found out someone else who is better qualified than me was going to apply. This put me on a total downer, and I managed to convince myself that I wasn't going to get it.

Then, this morning, the better qualified lady sent me a message saying that she wasn't going to apply because she found the whole form filling a bit too stressful. I was relieved, but at the same time, I feel bad for her because I think she was disuaded as her manager is the same manager as the role advertised.

Anyway, am dashing off to lunch, then to this practice interview thing.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010


Just found out someone from my department with more experience than me is also going for the job. Feel pretty despondent now. Will probably let this cloud my judgement and fuck up the interview now. Damn.

Weirdly, I was contacted to be a test interviewee for a training session tomorrow. It's basically a mock interview so have sent them my application for this job so I can get a bit of practice and some feedback. God, I am going to be nervous, what am I going to be like at the real thing?

Need to try and stay positive, but right now, I just feel really gutted. I mean, I may be wrong, she might not be applying, but she probably is. Bum.

Moving on Up?

Am currently just waiting for my manager to check and approve my supporting statement, then I'll be submitting my application for a role within my department. It's quite a big step up, but also, a really important and exciting one, I can hardly contain myself! God knows how long I'll have to wait to hear if I'm even shortlisted, let alone, get an interview and get the job. I know the manager pretty well, heck, the job is in my own department.

UPDATE: Literally as I was typing the above, my manager appeard and said my statement was perfect, and was so typically me, it had a good personality. Fantastic. So, it's all submitted, will wait and see what happens now. Eeek! Wish me luck.

I do have my list of 10 Random Things, so will try and do it later on this afternoon.

Monday, 25 January 2010

It's like a Badhead in the morning....

And I know.

You know it's going to be a good day when my 8:25am you've already had to take some Nurofen. FTW.

And have just realised it's my turn to scan exams this morning, we have a huge pile, but they're all fairly small so should be fine. Now just to wait for the dithery lady to come back so I can disappear. Right, she's back, will do my tagged list later, I hope!!

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Slept this afternoon, which means I will probably be up for ages yet. Great. So am listening to music and attempting to find a present for a 2 year old and a 51 year old. Hmm, not so easy. Any suggestions? Seriously, does anyone read this anyway? How to I whore my blog to get some readers!?

Really cannot be bothered to think about work this week, it's likely to just encompass more crap. Plus we have some 'Staff Open Meeting' on Tuesday and I've been given the job of looking after the Key Note speaker, gee thanks! Am sure it'll be fine but yknow, just effort to be polite to someone for a sustained amount of time. Politeness does not come easy for me.

Anyway, I will post again shortly, am putting together the 10 Random Things post that I was tagged to do by Alex.

Friday, 22 January 2010


Just a quick one because I want to tell you all that I think I might start listening to more Brian Eno. Discuss.

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Argh Eyebrows!

Sorry, random title, just realised that I think I'm having my eyebrows done tonight but I cannot remember what time, as per usual!! I'm rubbish. Last time I was sitting at home, just got Scarlett to bed when the salon called and I was like, oh shit I'm so sorry and had to go racing down there to get them done.

It's funny really, am quite obsessed with my eyebrows, they join in the middle, sign of a murderer or something as people took great delight in telling me at school. So since I was about 14 I've had them waxed. I did them myself for a while, and didn't do too badly. I've been to numerous salons over the years. I've found one in Worcester Park (It's not hard, for a small high street, Worcester Park has about 8 hairdressers, 4 of which do beauty treatments!) and she's pretty good. I flirted with another salon for a while, but actually, they turned out to be crap and the swanky salon was a facade. The girl I go to now is quite good, neat and tidy every time even if her salon is very small. Bless her.

In other news. It was payday today. Love how I typed 'was' there and not 'is'. Mainly because it's all kinda ear marked for bills and stuff. I might be able to get myself some gym clothes or something but probably not much else, and especially not my iPhone : ( This does make me very very sad that I can't buy it this month, booo!

Anyway, am waiting for a call from a solicitor to discuss our options in relation to Andy's house. Hopefully she can give us an idea of cost too. It's all so stressful, me and Andy argue nightly about it. Ugh!

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

New job or not?!

Fuck you Twitter being over capacity, I need some advice and no one reads my blog to give me that advice!

There's a job, it's with a big organisation, a big sort of Govermental/Mayoral organisation. It's just Admin, but it starts at £25k, which is about £2k more than I get at the moment, however, that £2k will probably just get swallowed in travelcards because it's in Westminster and that means a 90 minute journey each way. Do I want that? It's horrible, I could do that job, but I have such little self confidence that I just think, what's the point, there'll be better people.

And if not Travelcards, then perhaps in Nursery fees or something and I dunno, it means I won't get in until 6:30-7:00pm each day, by which point Scarlett is going to bed, then I need to eat, and I still very much need to go to the gym, so I really don't know what to do.

And do I want to be doing Admin for the rest of my life? Surely I'm better off in this job, that has a degree of flexibility and 30 minute journey to work and the ability to move to a different department relatively easily if the right thing came up.

It could be exciting, working with important people, but at the same time, self-important people piss me off like they do here. It's like, the grass is always greener, but at the same time, I was hoping to stop working anyway and start doing something more interesting with my life, god knows what, but something other than Admin!

I think I'm just trying to talk myself out of it really aren't I?!

What do I do? Please, if anyone reads this blog, now is your time to speak up!

Adverse Weather

I'll give you adverse weather you silly man. Am referring to the silly health and safety man at my work, he is silly. He updates us on the snow situation every week, but he's just so anal about it it really winds me up! Like, last week, it was chaos, but he was all like, "The University is open as normal." Well no mate, this isn't normal! Ugh!

Seem to be in a bad mood again (what's new?!) Went to Body Combat lastnight, managed to stump up the motivation to go at about 7:05 (The class starts at 7:30!). Am now feeling like crap, at one point, I really thought we were going to be sick. It's really hard, lastnight I just failed on so many moves, it's ridiculous, I just look in the mirror and go, "Um, yeah, you look fucking stupid," then I have to laugh to stop myself from crying! Have been for 3 weeks, have worn 3 different pairs of trainers each week, all hurt my feet, all make at least one part of my foot go to sleep, not sure what I'm doing wrong. The last pair I bought were these: Nike_Zoom_Essential but even they hurt my feet which was a bit crap.

Anyway, I need to go and scan exams now so will have to post again later or something, although, I don't really have too much more to say, do I ever?!

Monday, 18 January 2010

Bit of a letdown

So, the big assessment due today didn't seem to go quite as we'd hoped. I don't know the full details as yet, but I have a pain in my chest which tells me I don't feel good about it already, actually might be sick, I've been so nervous but it just all seems to have been for nothing.

All MiL can do is feed herself if something is put in front of her and she has control of her bowels (but only just). On every other level she can't do anything. But it seems even that isn't bad enough for her to get full NHS funding. Which sucks a bit, because if she had been eligible, things would have started moving really quickly. But now I feel like we're at the back of the queue.

Which is crap and sucks for her as much as us, she's just really not getting the quality of care that she deserves and needs. Apparently, she's not complex enough. Words fail me sometimes, they're almost failing me now, but for christ's sake! I guess because her needs aren't affecting her health, she doesn't fall into the correct category. So ignore the fact she can't do anything for herself, which is a burden on everyone else, because it's not a health risk, it's 'okay', which I suppose I get, I hate it, but I understand it.

Oh by the way, Cunt-who-likes-to-take-my-words-out-of-context, if you're reading this, you really can go fuck yourself this time, you have no idea what it's like for us living with her sometimes, just no idea. This blog is for me to vent, if it offends, well piss off, I need an outlet and this is it, so don't you dare come around here telling me what's right and wrong, we all say things in the heat of the moment that we don't necessarily mean, as I said before, most bloggers use their blogs to vent and it's pretty damn fucking rude for people to then go onto other blogs and use those ventings against the original blogger. Comprende?!

For anyone nice who does read this blog, you are most welcome, it pains me sometimes to have to say these things in 'public' but at the same time, what is blogging for anyway if not to share your lives with others (not to have your life taken out of context). Sometimes it'd just be nice to know I'm not alone, or someone feels my pain, or I'm not being a total bitch (which mostly I am but we'll ignore that bit...!)

So close yet so far...

Saturday, 16 January 2010

So lazy

Am feeling really terrible today, I should just get off my arse and go to the gym but I really cannot be bothered, it's awful. I'm so crap at this whole diet thing, I just keep saying, next week, back on it Monday. Why not, back on it today? I've only done my Body Combat class so far this week, didn't go to the gym at all apart from that. Must go, must get motivated, am going to move from this beanbag, go to the loo and get myself sorted, definitely. Am going....

Friday, 15 January 2010

I hate you

So, not only was a certian person in my office difficult about me having a 30 minute lunch so that I can go home early, she has also disappeared so that I can't even take my 30 minute lunch with my friends. I should be there now, but I'm not, she's fucked off and I have no idea where she is and I can't leave the office. She has totally done this on purpose, it's not fair. So I won't even end up having 30 minutes because my friends will have to go at 2:00pm and I'm not going to sit there on my own. I needed to paint my nails before tonight!!

Funny old mood

Have been feeling really strange for the last couple of days, I really feel like I'm just sorta floating through everything at the minute, it's really odd.

I literally have no motivation for anything. I skipped the gym again lastnight, what a tit, I would go tonight but am going to a drinks reception for some friends who are getting married today. But am getting my knickers in a right old twist for a number of reasons. Despite having money on my Next account for tumble dryer and iPod, we are poor. We've got about £50 to do us until Tuesday, when I get another £20 which will do us until Pay Day on Thursday. The problem with that is that I have to go tonight, and that could use about £20. Plus we need petrol, which is at least a £10, which leaves £20 for food until Tuesday. We have potatoes we can jacket so that'd be fine. Not sure why I'm telling you all this, you don't need to know, but my brain won't let it go.

This is pretty much my train of thought right now:
Have to go tonight, want to see friends, want to have good time, need to get changed before I go, can go to friend's flat to get changed, not a problem, except, left make up bag at home, bugger. Andy can drop make up bag in, but maybe I should just go home and get changed, take 30 minutes lunch, go at 4pm, drive self back to pub, can stay later, but can't drink. Okay, put £10 on Oyster card, get train and bus home, can stay as late as want, but then, £10 Oyster, £10 for drinks, leaves only £30 for food, plus £10 petrol leaves only £20 for food. Have potatoes, can eat those, need only 2 nights dinners, that's okay.

So as you can see, that's just part of it. Then other ideas pop into my head: Okay, take 30 minute lunch, go at 4pm, go home, get changed, Andy drop me back to pub in Hampton Court, get train and bus home. Right now, that's the one seeming most likely I think. Esp because of time of month complications. ARGH FUCKING BRAIN LEAVE ME ALONE!

It's like that scene in Shaun of the Dead, when they're trying to figure out the best plan of action, that involves numerous complications and possibilities! Except, so far, there is no 'Perfick' at the end of my plan of action.

Add to this the fact that I have a relative amount of work to do today, mostly monotonous, partly brain taxing (figures for training sessions) that I just cannot concentrate and it's already 9:43!

Thursday, 14 January 2010

Police Helicopter as entertainment for a 2 year old...

I called my grandparents this evening. Something I don't do often enough really, but felt we should as they sent Andy a card for his Birthday last week. So my grandmum asks me how Scarlett is and I said, oh getting to the terrible twos. And she proceeded to tell me a story of the time she ordered a police helicopter to keep me entertained....

My mum had gone to work so my grandmum had come over to look after me. She took me out for a walk in my pushchair and when she returned, found herself having great trouble with the lock on the front door. She then saw the curtain twitching inside the house (the house was empty, mum and dad at work). So she managed to find a neighbour to call the police for her as she was certain the house was being burgled.

Within minutes the house was surrounded and a police helicopter was circling over head. I obviously found this greatly exciting as a 2 year old! The police got in and searched the place and concluded that the house looked as though it had been turned over.

When relaying this story to my mum on the phone she confirmed it all. She could hear the police helicopter from her workplace and had no idea of it's significance. She also stated that the house hadn't been turned over, it was just always that messy.

New Start?

Had the sudden urge to blog. Have been doing the photo a day thing pretty successfully for 14 days now, have only missed one, but I had the urge the purge and no photo to accompany said purge.

Have had to delete a few posts; I comment on another blog, and some dick decided it was totally okay to take my rantings (which as all PROPER bloggers know, is the whole point of a blog) and use them against me. He doesn't know me, he's a cunt, if you're reading, you're a cunt and you take shit photos so fuck you!

And now, I can't even remember the point of me wanting to write something down. What the fuck was it. Oh yeah, I really want to do a Subversive Cross Stitch, hadn't even heard of it until just now when I was reading someone else's blog. Then realised it was what another friend had been talking about and has completed but I had no idea what it was. Think it's rather amusing, may have to purchase one when I get paid next week.

Andy's been waiting for our new tumble dryer to be delivered today, it was meant to arrive by 1pm. It's not 2pm and I haven't heard from him to say it's there, bastards!

Scarlett seems to be having tantrums on a pretty regular basis now, I've been at home until today, so have witnessed her really throwing some good ones at us. I think the key is to walk away and ignore, is that the best thing?!