So, I've been doing a little bit of musing over the last few days. I'm just curious, how is it that some people can sit behind their computers, say all kinds of crap and get away with it. I make random comments every now and then, and get taken to the cleaners about it.
Two things recently have happened that have made me seriously question why I give so much of a shit about 'Social Media'.
First, I made a comment about how I felt International Women's Day was a little bit naff, pointless and how it just screamed oppression and seemed to bring all the feminists out in full, hateful, angry force! I got really shot down by someone I really respected and to be honest, I wasn't quite sure how it had gone from me saying I thought it was naff the way everyone was saying, "Happy Womens Day" to each other - like seriously, that's fucking NAFF people - to me apparently being a Holocaust denier and not respecting Black History Month or understanding that women across the world still aren't educated. So, that was a bit odd right? And I suppose it hurt it a little bit, that this person I respected would think that of me and want to try and twist my throwaway comment into something altogether darker.
I just didn't see the point in having this one day a year where we're 'allowed' to be women, stand up and say what we want, do what we want. Like, I do that every day. I don't need to have a day where I reaffirm my womanhood or whatever. Yes, yes, shhh, I get it, it was more for women in developing nations, to give them a voice for just one day. And I respect that, of course I do, I'm not a total cretin!
The second happened this morning. I posted a rant on Facebook about a lady in my office prattling on about something which was really quite boring. And more than it being about her boringness, it was more about the way her conversation was winding up the social retard in my office, he honestly was laughing and foaming at the mouth like he was going to explode at any minute! So, posted this thing on Facebook. And about 5 minutes after I had I thought, I should probably take that down. Before I have a chance to, I'm told by another colleague that the sad fuckers in her office were all jibbering about it when she arrived at work. It's just pathetic. So fuck the lot of them, had a good clear out of my friends list, bunch of sad acts!
It just got me thinking (oh god, I am NOT talking like Carrie in my head, I promise you!) - Just how far can Freedom of Speech extend? (Cue camera close up on my question mark. I sit back and take a drag from my Marlboro)
Right so seriously though. It happened to me before, YEARS ago. A friend of mine helpfully sent a link to my old 20six blog where I had said they were a bunch of hypocritical Christians or something. Yeah, thanks for that. Aside from the wedding theme I've taken on lately, my blog has always been a place for me to RANT! I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager and counselling has always helped. In the years that I didn't have a counsellor, the internet handily provided blogs, which was a dead easy way of ranting, for free, into the ether. A lot of the time, it was never meant for public consumption ("Why put it on a blog then?" Yeah, yeah, thanks for that, aware of that!) But it's true, I write these things and always just think, oh, no one gives a fuck about what I say. I just don't understand why people get so up in arms about things people write on the internet. It's true, most of it is throwaway. People rant and rave and generally use it get things off their chest (as this rambling post will testify!).
Okay, so some of it isn't throwaway. I'm sure it's being used for evil in various parts of the world.
But here, I'm just a 25 year old girl, who's permanently pissed off, permanently angry, permanantly poor, fat and hungry, and I sometimes, have a lot I want to say, I perhaps don't phrase it in the correct way, and I just seem to permanently piss people off with the things I say. I don't mean to be a cunt!
So, what am I trying to say with this blog post? Well, I'm not sure if I'm trying to say, Fuck Social Networking because it's fucking dull, but at the same time it makes me feel gratified, like people give a shit about me and the things I have to say, which I'm sure, more of the time, is not the case at all. Maybe I just had a shit childhood and so I'm constantly seeking 'friends' and am generally just a bit needy, so by tweeting all day long, I feel like if I get just one reply, one comment on my blog, it makes me feel loved, how fucking sad is that? How fucked up am I that I need to use these online 'tools' to feel gratified? Or be funny (or try to be funny). And have people 'like' me and think I'm cooool. Seriously. What kind of world are we living in?
But, you know me, I need to feel loved, I hate myself so much that any ounce of fake internet love I get off people makes me feel a tiny bit better about myself. So, I guess, when I make a comment, hoping for a laugh or a 'like' or a reply, it makes me feel really fucking pissed off and upset when it backfires and I just get hate back.
Feel free to post all the hate you want, because as of today, I'm trying not to take it personally.