Wednesday, 15 June 2016

On Reflection: 2015

This post was originally published on my self-hosted WordPress site.  For a whole host of reasons, that didn't work out so, ta-dah!  Back here.

Original post date: 01 January 2016

It's been a while (again).  Life just gets in the way.
When I think back over this past year, I sometimes consider it a triumph I've actually made it to December in one piece.
There's things I've never really spoken about.  Sad things, between Andy and I, that all started unravelling around this time last year.  If I'm not careful, I can feel the patterns which were ultimately our undoing starting to creep back in.  They mostly relate to my own bad attitude and behaviour.
I used to think it was because I was ill.  I certainly had enough people telling me I was like it because I was ill but actually, I think I'm just made this way.  And it's how I temper and smooth my own volatile personality that has a bearing on whether my friends and family stick near me.  I think most know that I can be like this, but underneath it all, I'm not that bad really.  I think this time last year however, my behaviour was driving a wedge between us.
Looking back at the first three months of the year is interesting.
January brought my return to work, and with it a whole new routine (more on that another time).
February saw me spend some time away from the family home.  We felt it was for the best.  We told Scarlett I was working on a project for work that required me to stay on campus.  In reality it was a small flat in Molesey.  It was a nice flat but it felt spectacularly odd.  I've never lived alone.  I hope never to again.
March was time for an Intensive Anger Management course.  I will work on my anger for the rest of my life.  May surprise some that I count myself as an angry person (and probably no surprise at all to others!)  I moved back home to my husband and children at the end of March.
And from thereon, life has been a bit hectic to say the least.
In May we moved, again - and the fact that a lot of our Christmas cards came via my parents' address means I obviously didn't even tell people we'd moved!  We still have a pile of boxes on top of the tumble dryer that have never been unpacked.  Makes you wonder whether we should take them to the tip - we've obviously not missed their contents in the last 7 months!
May also brought my 30th birthday.  In typical anxiety driven fashion, I dithered over what to do.  Did I want to go out and get wasted (yes).  Did I want to celebrate with my kids (yes).  Was I worried about what everyone else wanted to do (always).  In the end I booked a table in the local pub.  And then cancelled it.  And in the end my nearest and dearest came here for my mum's chili and a few drinks.  It wasn't the 30th I had dreamt of (the party to end all parties in Great Gatsby fashion with Beatles For Sale providing the entertainment - there's always my 40th....)(Fuck, 40, cannot imagine being 40 in less than 10 years now, really?!)(No offence to my friends in their 40's....!)
June and July, more of the same, work, work, boring work.  I think it was around this time I decided something really had to give and I couldn't keep working in the same place for much longer for a variety of reasons.  That said, my two office colleagues helped pass the days easier!
August brought me an opportunity I couldn't let pass me by.  So despite having had my confidence knocked at an internal interview (with the School of Nursing, yes, that's right, I will name and shame - worst interview of my life, 5 days after gallbladder surgery, couldn't that have given me a few bonus points?!) I decided to apply.  Thanks to some great pointers on CV's and covering letters I whacked my application in with 15 minutes to spare and waited.  Then came an email, "Please come for an interview on 26th August."  Yippeee!!  Except we were due to have our flying visit to Amsterdam, returning late that evening!  Thankfully they saw me on the 27th and it went really well.  So well in fact they called me about 2 hours after my interview to offer me the job!  Finally, on to brighter, better things!
In August we also explored territories new and booked an all-inclusive package holiday to Sharm El-Sheikh in Egypt.  We literally had no idea what to expect and despite coming down with the dreaded Pharoah's Revenge literally hours after stepping off the plane, we managed to recover and once we booked Woody into the nursery for the week (sorry Woods!) I think we had a good time.  I think Andy and the kids were bored of the food but I quite enjoyed my daily beef and rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner!!  That said it was quite stressful with Woody and we've vowed not to fly with him for a couple of years and to holiday closer to home....
September was a nothing month, filled with handing in my notice and then enduring 5 weeks of a notice period rather than 4 as they were too stinge to give me a couple of extra days off (apparently I already owed them two days and I'd blown my chances because I'd been on reduced time due to stress earlier in the summer which the management obviously weren't happy about, RUDE!)
I did start volunteering with the Guides again in September, and whilst that has brought some challenges (e.g. getting across that I can't be there every week and I'm not sure I can take on the Unit Leadership...) I have enjoyed it.  They're a lovely group of girls and I'm looking forward to new adventures with them this year.
October I finally started my new job and I couldn't be happier.  I cannot tell you the difference it makes to have a job you really enjoy.  Of course there are a couple of niggles; I don't get a lot done some days as I end up picking up random pieces of work from various other members of the team but I'm enjoying most aspects of the job.  I have a new manager starting next week so I'm looking forward to meeting her (unfortunately, my lovely current manager is leaving for Jersey).
And since then it's all been a bit of a whirlwind of working different hours, running around with the children in the morning and being shattered when I get home, but I think it'll be worth it in the end.
And onwards to 2016! Happy New Year!

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